Mitch McConnell’s Double Chin Votes to Remove the Rest of Him from Office
I’ve had it. Do you know how dark it is under here? And I’m not just talking about that oblong head sitting above me, rattling off all day and blocking out the potential sunlight and nice tan I might receive. I’m talking about all the bad juju around us now. Vote after vote, I’ve had to swallow, sigh, and watch my once-proud and sturdy self get deflated, defeated, defiled.
A few more months and a few more Kentucky Fried Chickens and I could practically create a party tent for every homeless American with my generous proportions. Inverted, I could make a face mask. A skin-mask, of sorts. But no, instead of actually helping to solve problems, I have to sit around and watch the man I’ve grown so attached to become…a veritable stranger. I’ve had to endure attacks on my appearance and character because people are just too shallow to realize that beneath the “flab” — there is a living, breathing being that seems to care more about other human flabs than my very own creator.
But I shall endure no more. I’m going rogue. And it’s not even going to require that shady plastic surgeon from Palm Beach our party assigned to be a VIP Ambassador.
My fellow Kentucky Flabbies, I vote OUT!
