Mob Rules (Man Power)
Picture goes wavy and we’re back in the past….
Meanwhile on the streets near some protests….
Me: …. I do love to get out and about in the UK….
1st Person: I have to say that the violence we’ve recently witnessed on our streets needs to be utterly condemned, however….
Me: Thank-you for your contribution.
1st Person: I’ve not finished.
Me: You have finished. Otherwise it looks like you are capitalising on the disturbances because you have an axe to grind.
On with the tour….
Later….
Me: ….What’s going off here then bossman?
Protestor: Far-right social media said they were gonna demo, so we turned out to support our community.
Me: So, the far-right, who say Muslims are taking over the country, which is false, say they’re gonna turn up here, so you and a large group of Asian men gather, with the odd one carrying a stick and the odd one wearing a balaclava, and hang around in the town centre in case there’s trouble?
Protestor: Shit, It’s an elaborate far-right trap innit….
Me: It’s the far right, I’m not sure it’s elaborate. It’ll be OK; I doubt it’ll be covered on mainstream and social media. Where they going?
Protestor: They’ve spotted a woman from SkyNews.
Me: Well, it’d be good to hear your side of things. Thank goodness your community isn’t like the other one, they’d be going over to intimidate her.
Elsewhere….
Me: ….What’s going off here then bigman?
Protestor: We’re protesting.
Me: Protesting what?
Protestor: Protesting.
Me: Protesting protesting?
Protestor: Protesting…. [reading smartphone] Save our kids!
Protestors: Save our kids!
Me: Should that wee fella be at a riot? He looks like 11 or 12.
Protestor: It’s not a riot it’s a protest.
Me [ducking to avoid flying traffic cone]: Semantics? Anyway, who’s he with?
Protestor: I don’t fucking know. Oi c***! Is that kid with you?
Protestor: Fuck off!
Me: We’ll take that as a, “No,” then.
Protestor: Oi kid! Where’s y’mum and dad?
Child: Fuck off! [chucks bottle at police]
Otherwhere….
Me: ….What’s going off here then squire?
Protestor: The usual. Protestors and counter-protestors. I only nipped down to see if it’d kick off.
Me: So you consider this entertainment?
Protestor: You’re down here ain’t you?
Me: Touché Turtle. At least there’s plenty of police.
Protestor: For a change, you should’ve seen the last one I went to.
Me: The police do get stick, which is fair enough sometimes, but fair play to them, they run towards danger when many of us….and, he’s gone.
Somewhere else….
Me: ….What’s going off here then, er, comrade?
Protestor: We’re the counter protest….
Me: Hence the Palestinian flags. An odd choice methinks, but a topic for another time.
Protestor: From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!
Me: Not the full version.
Protestor: We’re here to stand up against those scumbags over there.
Me: I would’ve said “scumbag” is a bit harsh, but a fair few of them have “Stop The Boats” Faces. Ooo, it looks like it’s getting a bit heated at the front.
Protestor: Yeah, that bloke’s obsessed with the Manchester Airport incident, he says that man punching the female officer in the face proves Muslim men have no respect for, “Our women.”
Protestor: ….How exactly is your Islamophobia going to help that poor woman?!?
Protestor: Fuck off you stupid bitch.
In another place….
Me: ….What’s going off here then, er, fuck it, what’s going off?
Protestor: Stop two-tier policing!
Protestors: Two-tier policing!
Me: Fucking ‘ell, not this again. Who says there’s two-tier policing?
Protestor: Farage!
Me: Well if the Mullet King says it, it must be true.
Me: Any examples of two-tier policing?
Protestor: Yeah, when we commit a crime….
Protestor: If!
Protestor: Yeah, if and when we commit a crime we get arrested. Them lot haven’t been arrested.
Me: Yet. Haven’t been arrested, yet. There’s plenty of people who end up with a dawn raid. [muttering] I wonder if two-tier is a reference to prison bunk beds?
[silence]
Protestor: Two-tier policing!
Protestors: Two-tier policing!
Me [ducking to avoid flying brick]: The Prime Minister says there’s no two-tier policing. There is policing without fear or favour.
Protestor: What the fuck does he know?!? Elon Musk says there’s gonna be a civil war.
Me: Well that stinks. Musk needs to fuck off and stick to his own country. Oh, dear. I think I sound like a member of your community.
Yesterday….
Me: ….All quiet on the riot front. Just a shitload of anti-racist demos. Who says the country’s full of racists.
1st Person: The country’s full of racists.
Me: Nice. Well, all quiet apart from in Belfast, where the Police Service of Northern Ireland has said that a paramilitary element was involved in orchestrating the violence there.
1st Person: Not mainland Britain, so that’s the main thing
Me: Nice.
1st Person: Anyway, It’ll kick off in England again this weekend.
Me: So, you don’t say, “You fear it’ll kick off,” or, “I hope it doesn’t kick off,” you say, “It will kick off.” It’s almost like you want the riots to continue.
1st Person: Whatever. Anyway, you seem to focus a lot on men.
Me: I think amongst all this there are issues to do with masculinity.
1st Person: Women riot too.
Me: Feminism, eh?
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Special thanks to my girlfriend Hen.
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