Mob Rules! (the sequel)
Picture goes wavy and we’re back in the past….
Meanwhile on the streets of central London near one of ‘those’ protests….
1st Person: You sure about this?
Me: It’ll be fine. Actually, language is important….
Meanwhile on the streets of central London near one of ‘those’ demonstrations….
Me: ….What’s going off here then?
Bystander: He wants to cross the road.
Me: Good luck with that, there’s a massive march going past.
Demonstrators: He wants to cross the road! He wants to cross the road!
Me: Mate, I were only asking. Which bloke is it? The blond one?
Bystander: No, him.
Me: The one with the turban, the Sikh?
Bystander: No, him!
Me: What, him in the kilt?
Bystander: No! Him there!
Me: Oh, the Jewish one.
[silence]
Demonstrators: E rele vent! E rele vent!
Me: OK OK. So why can’t he cross the road?
Bystander: The copper said that the bloke is “openly Jewish” and that he shouldn’t cross the road.
Me [muttering]: I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere…. Considering the Met Police is woke, I’m surprised he used such clumsy language.
Bystander: Are you doubting my testimony?
Me: No, although if I were that bloke, I would’ve planned on filming everything in advance. Cos you never know what might happen on the way back home from Synagogue and sometime witnesses ain’t enough.
Bystander: What makes you think he was coming back from Synagogue?
Me: Well he’s Jew…. Ne’ermind. Anyway, I don’t want to defend the police, but….
Bystander: A pol lo gist! A pol lo gist!
Me: ….So, I don’t want to defend the police, but members of the Jewish community have said the streets of central London have become a no-go zone for Jews because of pro Palestinian marches. Is the copper not just trying to protect him?
Bystander: So Jews must stay indoors because of hate marches?
Me: I wouldn’t call them that. Now you sound like former Home Secretary Suella Braverman. I’m sure if there is an apology….
Bystander: Apologies are never ever enough.
Demonstrators: That copper should resign! That copper should resign!
Demonstrator: That copper and any coppers near him at the time should resign!
Demonstrator: That copper, any coppers near him at the time and any senior coppers should resign!
Demonstrators: We demand the head of the head of the Met! We demand the head of the head of the Met!
Me: Mmm, quite creative.
Bystander: I bet the former Home Secretary would demand he resign.
Me: She’s not gonna demand that. It’d confirm that she has a personal vendetta against Sir Mark Rowley because she never respected the operational independence of the police, and expected him to do whatever she said when she were Home Sec.
Bystander: Opera what now?!?
Me: ‘Another row involving Rowley’
[silence]
Me: Tough crowd.
Meanwhile on the march….
Marcher: Look! The cops are arresting that geezer!
Marcher: Shame on….
Marcher [nudging fellow marcher]: Wrong chant mate.
[silence]
Marchers: Good, on, you copper! Good, on, you!
Meanwhile back on the kerb….
Bystander: ….From what I can see this whole thing is an absolutely outrageous disgrace! He’s being arrested for being Jewish!
Me: Not sure….
Bystander: It wouldn’t surprise me when this all goes public that a senior Tory in government says something like, it’s hard to think of any other minority that would be treated as disrespectfully as Jews seem to be.
Me: No one’s gonna say that. It’d be totally unhelpful, plus it’s not the Oppression Olympics.
Bystander: Well, you say that….
Me: I’m sure all this can be sorted out calmly.
Bystander: You’re not taking any of this seriously. What would you do if a copper said you were “openly Black” and said you couldn’t cross the road?
Me [muttering]: There’s def a joke in there.…. Well, to be fair, being Black I’d be inclined not to argue with a copper.
[silence]
Demonstrators: You shouldn’t be Black and be inclined not to argue with a copper! You shouldn’t be Black and be inclined not to argue with a copper!
Bystander: OK, so what would you do after the event?
Me: I’m kinda busy right now, so even though I would consider it an extremely important issue I might end up waiting upto a week before bringing it to the attention of the media, rather than lodging a formal complaint with the Met.
Bystander: Seriously though, how would you react if a copper said you were “openly Black.”
Me: Well, I am ain’t I.
[silence]
Demonstrators: Shame, on, you! Shame, on, you!
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Special thanks to my girlfriend Hen.
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