More Jeff Bezos Ingredients For Epic…

Julien Perez
Jun 9 · 2 min read
Jeff Bezos — Caricature by DonkeyHotey is licensed under CC BY 2.0

“[Bezos] reduced complex issues down to their most essential essence, he started to reel off the ingredients of epic storytelling…”

— Brad Stone, Amazon Unbound: Jeff Bezos and the Invention of a Global Empire

Sandwiches

  • Crunchy.
  • Salty.
  • On a 12 inch french baguette with soppressata, manchego cheese, spicy mayo spread and a nice bunch of mixed greens.
  • Expensive.

Body building

  • 1 hour workouts.
  • Weight lifting.
  • Follow strict diet restrictions along with a regimented daily workout from your longterm trainer, Matt, who wakes you up with a referee whistle every morning at 4:34am.
  • Steroids.

Brainstorming

  • Thoughts from brain.
  • 15 minute quiet time.
  • Walk into meeting 15 minutes late and listen to ideas that your carefully curated team has worked through and if any ideas seem half baked, fire that person immediately.
  • Be CEO.

Engagement Proposals

  • Be in love.
  • Have diamond ring.
  • Take future fiance to Paris for a weekend trip on your private plane. Hire Yo-Yo Ma to play during private dinner on top of the Eiffel tower and propose the moment the sun dips 25% past the horizon.
  • Have 150 billion dollars in your bank account.

Divorces

  • Hate her guts.
  • Hire a lawyer.
  • Give her 60 billion dollars if she agrees to an amicable divorce and thank her for the countless times she endured your sad sexual performance. Do this on a Friday.
  • Let security escort her out.

Dating

  • Have butterflies in stomach.
  • Double D’s. (e.g. above average sized breasts)
  • Shut down Tulum, Mexico for a private weekend and hire the hottest new pop star to sing their entire album while you two dance the night away.
  • Pay date her fee.

Movie Studio Buying

  • Find failing studio.
  • Call accountant.
  • Have realization that films today are hot garbage and only you can save it. Send a low ball offer at first and wait until they have no choice but to accept it.
  • Kiss yourself in mirror.

Space Exploration

  • Pick planet to explore.
  • Build rocket ship.
  • Handpick the best minds in space engineering and pay them so much they are forced to leave their current employers (that must be either Nasa or SpaceX).
  • Take credit.

World Domination

  • Have business idea.
  • Work until billionaire.
  • When your company dwarfs all competition, start to squeeze each competitor out. First, you ask to buy rival company. If yes, then take name and destroy it. If no, then recreate a cheaper version of their most popular product. Wait until rival company goes bankrupt. Laugh uncontrollably while your competitors weep at their failed business. Imagine them homeless on the street begging for food. Their failure is part of the joy you feel. Get addicted to that joy. Let it engulf your entire life. Start to branch out from your own industry and continue the cycle until everyone is bankrupt except for you. Revel in your treasure.
  • Be bald.

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