Mother of Teen Seeks Help After Seeing His Manifest Board
The Halfwit Herald News spoke to Mrs. Florence Dimwit on Monday night when she contacted police about her son Gregory’s manifest board. The Herald asked why she felt it necessary to involve police in a manifest board activity.
“The first time I saw Gregory’s manifest board I thought he was just defending the second amendment. He’s a real gun afficionado. He stands outside in our yard every day and shoots tin cans off the fence with his eyes shut. He’s gotten pretty damned good at it. He never misses.”
The Herald pressed Mrs. Dimwit for more details about Gregory’s manifest board.
“I was at my friend Sheila’s house the other day. I swear that woman is a hoarder! What a dump! I can’t believe she invited me in for tea. I didn’t sit down the whole time and if you think I was going to drink from one of her teacups you’re crazy.”
The Herald reporter replied, “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
Mrs. Dimwit apologized and said, “Sheila brought me to her son’s room, also a dump. But I was intrigued by his manifest board. I didn’t know other boys made them so I was relieved to know Gregory’s not a fruit. Anyway, this boy’s manifest board was very different from my son’s. He had a picture on it I’d put on my board, about girl power … oh dear.”
Mrs. Dimwit continued, “I went home and took another look at Gregory’s manifest board and now it seems a bit alarming. His board is so different.”
Asked why the difference in the two manifest boards concerns her Mrs. Dimwit replied, “I’ve noticed Lucifer’s personality has changed this past year. That’s what he insists I call him, Lucifer. When I call him Gregory he smashes his fist through a wall. There are holes all over the house. I tried to take money from Lucifer’s Satan piggy bank to pay for damages but he choked me and hissed, ‘Put it back if you want to live.’ I put it back.”
The Herald asked how Lucifer is performing at school.
“He comes home muttering things like, ‘Kill them all’ and ‘School sucks, the teachers should die.’ That seems a bit off to me.”
Mrs. Dimwit was asked if she alerted Lucifer’s school.
“Why would I do that? I refuse to have the school labelling him. They’ll probably put Lucifer on Ritalin and I don’t believe in that stuff. Besides he has pills in his top drawer and they aren’t helping. I’d love to share the same relationship with Lucifer we had when he was a boy but that’s not going to happen. He made a new manifest board I find disturbing.”
Mrs. Dimwit was asked if her husband took an interest in her son’s activities.
“My son doesn’t know his father. Blood Messiah’s been in Sing Sing for seventeen years for committing a gang drive-by.”
The Halfwit Herald News asked Mrs. Dimwit if she is seeking help for Lucifer’s psychological problems.
“What problems?” She asked. “He’s going through a normal teenage phase. You know how moody kids can be. Mind you I had to duck pretty fast at breakfast today when he aimed his .38 Glock at me. He isn’t a morning person.”
The Halfwit Herald News concluded the interview by asking Mrs. Dimwit if she has a neurologist.
“Why? Is there something wrong with my brain?” She asked.
The Herald assured her we think so.
