Mothers of Inventions
Someone once said, actually, it were me:
“The music biz don’t give women the props they deserve.”
Allow me to redress this and highlight some music shit women invented.
Redress. Is that a pun?
1. Blondie’s Deborah Harry invented White Rappers
Long before White Rappers like Eminem, or…. That’s right, unlike me, you can’t name any other old White Rappers. No, Vanilla Ice, who true White Rappers 3rd Bass considered a phoney entertainer, don’t count.
1st Person: 3rd Bass’ MC Serch is Jewish.
Me: Don’t spoil it.
Anyway, MC Debbie Deb was spitting rhymes back in 1980. Oh, I get it now. “Rapture.”
2. Dusty invented Drum ’n’ Bass
How dare you say, “Dusty who?” Decades before Jungle branched off into Drum ’n’ Bass, so that more White people would buy the music, Dusty Springfield the legend, got there first. You have to wait til 2.58 for the breaks to kick in. It’s Dusty tho’ innit, so hardly an inconvenience.
By the way, Dusty also invented Adele, but that’s another story.
3. Cherry Wainer invented The Doors
Cherry who? Where would Jim Morrison’s boy band be without this on point organist? Well, they probably wouldn’t have broken on through and hit the big time.
Yes, I know the clip is from 1966, after The Doors were formed. However, Cherry released her first album in 1960. Take a napkin, you’ve been served.
All said, who doesn’t like a woman with an organ?
4. Carmen Miranda invented Grime
The Brazilian Bombshell, and enemy of the Scots (she wears fruit), to paraphrase Roxanne Shanté, can claim to have, “Gave birth to all those Grime MCs.”
Grime is a uniquely UKayed genre because our Urban yoofs are fuelled by energy drinks. The result? Urban yoofs have two speeds when communicating. Fast, and, really fast. They, like Carmen, are often incoherent.
1st Person: It’s not incoherent if you speak the lingo.
Me: Say what now?
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
