Bear Encounters
My Bear Behind Story
A crashing sound awakened us one morning. It was springtime when bears come out of hibernation and begin looking for things to eat. Our neighbors had a habit of leaving their trash out, and it attracted bears.
I went onto my deck and looked down at the driveway to see if a bear was causing the commotion. That’s when I heard my wife say, “He’s on the deck.” Who’s on the deck? I’m on the deck. I turned around to see a big, hungry black bear padding toward me. It was almost as if he knew I was looking for him.
We were both buck naked. He wore it better. Good thing I have a big deck. Deck. Not a typo. He was still thirty feet away from me. That gave me time to yell, “Oh shit!” and scamper back inside with my manly parts intact. Shrivelled, but intact.
At this point, our dogs were barking at him through the open windows. We enjoy a cross breeze. Nothing separated our dogs, and us, from the bear but thin screens. We began shutting windows as the bear walked past mere inches away.
Good thing I hadn’t read Steve Wyatt’s brilliant essay, otherwise the bear may have nibbled my bits.
A few minutes later, the bear walked past on the street. I swear he turned to look at me and shook his head with pity in his eyes.
