My Bully Promised To Finally Beat Me Up At Our Twenty-Year High School Reunion
I was beside myself as he walked up to me and politely introduced himself to my wife and kids, but ended with a promise to finish something… something that should have been done a long time ago.
I honestly had forgotten my offense, as it had been two decades. Thanks to his sharp mind, my boisterous bully was able to remind me of the time I struck him out in a not-so-friendly game of kickball in P.E. And just as he did then, he demanded for me to meet him by the flagpole in the front of the school- after we finished our hors d’oeuvres, did group pictures, and watched the class clown perform stand up comedy.
“Hey, Doofus,” he said to me. “Now that you have introduced me to your wife and kids, I feel like our families really could have been friends if things weren’t so complicated between us. We could have had backyard pool parties and deep fried scones together, but because of your poor actions, you better start digging your grave.” He wiped tears from his eyes after watching a slideshow video of our class. “You’re dead meat,” he mumbled as he choked back more tears. It didn’t help that the class president played the 2003 Hilary Duff hit song, “So Yesterday,” during the slide show.
After hugging my wife and kids, I approached the flagpole. I began to wonder if a school bus would pull up in time for him to climb aboard, just like he did so long ago, instead of fighting me. I was determined that I wasn’t going to be stood up again, so I ran to catch him before he could retreat.
To my surprise, he was leaning against the flagpole. I watched him pull from a briefcase a mechanical pencil that had been modified into a spit wad blow gun. He fidgeted with it nervously. However, before he could take a shot, he ran away, claiming he had food poisoning. I’ve since learned he’s been sentenced to 20 to life for shooting someone with a non-spit wad type weapon. Perhaps he’ll be at the 40th reunion. I’m counting on it. I’ll be there, waiting at the flagpole.
