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My Contributions to Newspeak
Making Language Great Again
I’m getting on board with modern Newspeak. Our president has renamed the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America, and the lieutenant governor of Texas wants to rename the New York strip steak the Texas Strip Steak. I see where we are going, and always willing to jump on the latest bandwagon, I offer the following suggestions.
Due to the Eagles refusing to go to the White House after winning the Superbowl, henceforth shaved beef and cheese on a hoagie roll will be a Mar-A-Lago Cheesesteak.
The Panama hat will now be the American Canal Hat.
Dijon mustard will celebrate the great state of Wyoming and become Laramie Brown Mustard
Rice-a-Roni will be known as The Sanctuary City Treat
For electing too many Democrats, Chicago will lose its signature foods, and we will consume Common Sense Deep-Dish Pizza.
To honor Mississippi and the great patriot/coach, Tommy Tuberville, we will now eat Birmingham Baked Beans and Biloxi Cream Pie
Schools will teach that the American pioneers crossed the nation to avoid wokeness following the Idaho Trail.
Iran forfeited its right to its own rug, so the Persian Rug will become the Rand Paul floor wig.
In anticipation of acquiring Greenland, we will begin calling it the U.S. Mineral Annex.
Oxford shoes are now Liberty University Shoes
Measles are Freedom Spots.
China has not been good to us, so Mandarin oranges will become Florida Midgets, or in the singular, a Ron DeSantis.
Russian Dressing, will however, remain Russian Dressing.
