My Dad Told Me I Look Like J.D. Vance, And We Aren’t Speaking

So, I look like a youth pastor with a terrible secret? Thanks.

J.D. Vance, the latest round-faced white to enter the cultural zeitgeist, was recently chosen as Trump’s Vice President.

Vance authored the popular memoir “Hillbilly Elegy,” which was turned into a mediocre film starring Amy Adams and Glenn Close.

He doesn’t look like a writer. He looks more like a high school football coach who almost got fired for punching a kid in the helmet.

I don’t know what kind of V.P. he’ll be, but I don’t like his face, which is all the more disturbing because my father texted me saying I look just like him.

“You should do comedy videos pretending to be J.D. Vance,” he said.

The prevailing consensus on the internet is that J.D. Vance looks like Haley Joel Osment made an oxygen-deprived baby with a Dallas-based financial advisor.

I couldn’t believe that me, someone once told by a barista that he looks like Kevin Costner, could ever be compared to such a deformed freak.

My sister told me that J.D. is not an unattractive man. She said that he and I share a similar face, one she calls a “conventionally good-looking white man face.”