My FIRST Date Ever
4Hrs WAITING, 1Hrs Date
I had sorta been kissed when I was a child, so I thought I was experienced and practiced in the ways of women when I turned 12.
“Mom, I don’t wanna go on a date.”
“That’s great, you’re going anyway. It’s Valentine’s Day.” We had recently emigrated from another country to one which celebrated Valentine’s Day. My mother was over the moon for this holiday. We weren’t.
She had already sent out my little brother on reconnaissance — to see whether his prospective date was even home. He was even less pleased about this than I was.
We had sort of long hair when we were kids. My mom said to gel it up. We didn’t know what that meant. Basically, she meant to go for the wet and “I did this on purpose” look. We gelled it all the way up. We were about a foot taller when we came out of the bathroom.
“That’s great sweetie,” she said to me, and patted my little brother on the shoulder.
We were then shoved out the door with flowers. We shook hands and turned towards different streets. It was as if we were both heading off into the army or something and we might never see each other again.
I rang the doorbell of a foreign girl who lived a few houses down from us.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” I said, and held out the flowers.
She was in her pajamas though it was 12 o’clock noon and yawned. She took the flowers. She was a few years older than me. She said:
“I’ll be out in a minute,”
And shut the door.
I waited on her wall outside for her to come out. At some point, I considered that maybe a date was actually giving flowers to a girl and then going home.
By the time she came out, I was already a man. I had a pregnant wife and 3 more children. I already talked about my childhood as if it were the distant past and complained about the youth… Or at least that’s what the wait felt like.
As far as I could tell, she had done nothing other than put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms. We went for a walk.
She asked me how school was and whether I had any friends (I was new). I gave her my list of friends and she seemed pleased.
The date was going great.
She told me she had a boyfriend.
“Ah”- Sabana Grande, February 14th, 2008
That question had never seemed pertinent in any of our meetings preceding that point. Now, it did.
Her boyfriend showed up and they basically babysat me for another half hour before we all went home.
Worst. Date. Ever.
