My Foolproof Plan for Surviving Other People
The power of listening to your willies.
I have a foolproof method for judging everyone I meet.
It’s simple. I ask myself one question: would I want to be with this person in the apocalypse? Zombies, aliens, asteroids, nuclear war, famine, killer bunnies, whatever. And I ponder: Might this person eat me six weeks in? Might they get culty? Murdery? Might they–once they no longer have to put a face on for society–try to wear my face?
If I think yes, I walk away.
How could I possibly know this just by meeting someone? Easy. The willies. I am a firm believer in the willies.
By ‘willies,’ I mean a sort of intuition. I call it ‘the willies’ because:
a. I’m a child.
b. That’s what they are.
Intuition is what a CEO uses when deciding how many plebs to fire. The willies is what you feel when you meet that CEO at a party and think:
Oh, you’re one of those bad people.
All my life, people have tried to discredit the willies, science them away, explain them away. All of these people gave me the willies. Because they’re the willy police (lol), they’re the ones in the apocalypse who get all religiousy and try to sacrifice your…
