BAD BOWELS
My Worst “Mayday” Stories — So You Can Get Through Yours
There needs to be a Disney princess with a gastrointestinal issue
My entire life I have been known to some as “lactose.” Aka, every time I pick up a piece of chocolate, a cake or *dare* to put cream in my coffee- my friends sound the alarm. It was all fun and games until I actually got sick in my early twenties. Nothing horrific happened, but in the end I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. To this day, my husband and I call my “close calls” Maydays. During these maydays, regardless where they happen, I have a trick. Think of 5–10 places that are MUCH worse than your current. Here are a collection of mine so you don’t even have to bother thinking of some for your next. =)
#1) Stuck in the middle of the backseat, in a car with my new boyfriend, his friends and a road blocked highway. You’re welcome.
#2) Post night shift, local grocery store — the frozen foods aisle.
#3) On a hike with acquaintances. Not a single soul in site let alone a freakin port-a-pottie.
#4) On my very first sleepover with a friend at age 5. I remember telling her mother through the door- “just 5 more minutes!”
#5) Track and field day — 30 seconds to race start.
#6) Early twenties, in a bikini, on a boat mid lake, drunk.
#7) Middle seat, red eye flight. Me versus two sleeping beauties on either side and not a whole lot of time.
#8) Soccer game cup final. I was in net.
#9) Any. camping. trip. Especially if there are holes to be dug
#10) Middle of the night at your new love interests house. The only bathroom available — his very close ensuite.
#11) Top, middle row of the movie theatre — always at a peak moment of importance during the film
#12) Fifteen years old, cashier at Mcdonald’s mid lunch rush (this one was close)
#13) Twelve — delivering a speech on The Atomic Bomb in front of the entire school.
#14) The first day of highschool. In hindsight, this one I should have seen coming.
#15) My. Wedding.Day
