National Survey on Sexual Health and Behavior Proves that Julia Roberts Film Pretty Woman Led to Increase in Female Streetwalkers
Ever since the 1990 release of the Julia Robert’s film “Pretty Woman,” a 30-year National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the U.S. revealed that it has had a negative impact on female movie-goers. The survey reported that the film “encouraged attractive women to become street walkers as a way to earn an additional, part-time income. This has caused concern among their families.”
An increase in STDs and unwanted pregnancies in home makers, mothers, and career women has increased suspicion by their husbands about their nocturnal activities.
“When I gave my husband chlamydia, I told the idiot I got it from a toilet bowl. He doesn’t know much about STDs so he bought it, hooker, line and sinker. However, when I gave him syphilis the moron finally caught onto me, and now he’s limiting my night-time activities. My income has dropped way down since I started in the business,” a woman who goes by her street name, Raunchy Rhonda, complained.
Sexologist Muriel Speculum commented, “The public believes that the media doesn’t influence people’s criminal behavior. For instance, most people believe that violent video games don’t lead to aggressive behavior in children. But my son played the video game “Manhunt” once and the next morning he went to school and beat the shit out of the teacher. I was quite disappointed in his behavior. Now I only let him play it once a month and he’s stopped beating up the teacher. He only beats up his peers now. I’m so proud of his improvement.”
Asked her opinion about female audience goers turning tricks on the streets after watching the Julia Roberts film, Speculum replied, “It’s not a bad option. I’ve been giving it some thought. I meant, I can pay the mortgage as a sexologist no problem, but utilities are tough. The only issue I have with street-walking is that I’ll have to work nights. My job as a sexologist occurs during daytime hours, so a lack of sleep could affect my work performance in the office and on the streets.
“As a sexologist I screw my clients all day to show them how to do it right, and walking the streets will be pretty repetitive and exhausting work.”
Further investigation by the National Survey revealed that transgender women were also influenced by the 1990 film.
“It’s hard out here for a trans female,” a six-footer dressed in a feather boa and five-inch platform boots commented. “Most tricks want the real deal and weighing in at two hundred pounds of solid muscle makes it difficult to disguise my biological gender. I don’t make as much money as cisgender females, either. That’s discrimination and I intend to organize a march on City Hall about gender bias against trans hookers. I’ve also been beating the tricks to a pulp when they don’t choose me. That’s their own damned fault.”
An asexual, pansexual, incel, two-spirit, queer, lesbian, homosexual, cisgender male prostitute commented, “I’m mostly incel so I hate every trick out there anyway. That’s why I don’t make any money. But it’s bullshit that I’m not making as much money as cisgender women, because that’s just mean. I mean, as an asexual person I already hate sex, so don’t humiliate me when I’m offering it, you know?”
The Transgender Prostitution Rights March will take place following the Pride Day Parade to avoid interfering with the mixed messages the parade normally gives bystanders.
A spokesperson for the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the U.S. stated, “It was a real chore figuring out which female prostitutes were influenced by the film, but you throw in the monkey wrench of all these genders and sexual orientations, and now the study is a real bitch. I can’t tell you how many “mental health days” I’ve taken since the survey included so many mind-blowing categories.”
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the U.S. is ongoing and more confusing than ever.
