Ned Goes One Step Too Far

The sound of crickets chirping in the night provided the background noise as four-year-old Edward nestled deeper into his father’s flannel. Daddy reading him a bedtime story, or five was the only good thing about going to bed. Ned finished the last sentence of “The Little Goldfish Who Cried” and looked over at his angel of a son. Mission accomplished. Ned gently moved him onto the pillow when Edward looked up with heavy eyes and asked,

“Daddy? Why is there a country named Turkey?” At that exact moment, Amber, Ned’s wife, and Edward’s mommy, walked past on her way to the bathroom. Ned opened his mouth to answer, but his wife shouted from the hallway,

“Don’t you dare, Ned!” He instinctively turned toward the empty doorway and shouted back,

“What? What did I do?” His wife’s voice had an edge to it. She was not happy.

“You know what you’re about to do. I’m warning you!” Edward looked up at his dad. He was suddenly wide awake.

“What’s the matter?” Ned looked down at the love of his life and rustled his hair.

“Mommy just worries too much.” From just outside the door, Amber whispered loud enough for everyone to hear,

“Mommy knows Daddy likes to tell ridiculous stories and confuse their innocent son.” Ned felt his neck grow hot and responded in kind.

“Well, maybe I’m helping him! Maybe I’m giving him a better imagination!”

“Maybe Daddy just likes to make up stuff.” Edward’s eyes looked like he was the line judge at a tennis match, watching his parents volley back and forth. He imagined his mommy’s face looked similar to his Daddy’s. Ned looked down and caught Edward’s eye.

“Let’s ignore Mommy. What was the — “

Amber interjected again, “Don’t do it, Ned! I’m warning you I’ve had enough.” Edward squirmed closer to his father. He hated when they argued, and the arguments were growing more and more frequent.

“What’s Mommy saying, Daddy?”

“Mommy is just a worrywart. Let’s talk about the country of Turkey.”

“IM TELLING YOU NO!” That tone. Horrible. Angry. Accusing. That tone replaced the voice he fell in love with six years ago. He was tired of backing down to that tone.

“Well, I’m telling my son the origins of Turkey. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!”

“Oh, I will!”

“Good!”

“GREAT!”

“Daddy?” Ned looked down at his son. His perfect son. The only good thing he had ever done in his miserable life.

“Turkey was founded by a guy named Tom who was the greatest Turkey of — “

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH! WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE!”

And that’s how Edward caused his parents to break up. A guilt he lived with for the rest of his life.