Neglected Emojis
When I look at the emojis I use most frequently, I feel I’m not doing them justice. They’re mundane. I mean, who needs to see 🙂 or 👌🏼one more time? Sure I have a 🙄 and a 😕 in there, but I am definitely not using the vast library available to its fullest potential.
For instance, let’s take a look at the majestic 🦌. He’s mid-prance and clearly feeling himself.
How about when you have a 🧶 emergency in the middle of knitting a baby blanket for your pregnant best friend because you’ve realized you’re using the color her mom made her wear to the 8th grade dance when she got her period unexpectedly and everyone laughed at the toilet paper trail that had unwound from her underwear?
Or take a look at the 🔋which seems to contain Shazam and who needs some of that? 🙋🏼♀️
But let’s really get into the dark underbelly of these tiny pictures just skulking around your keyboard.
🥃 Fourth glass of break-up whiskey that’s clearly mixed with tears.
🥉 A pathetic third place medal “earned” for an eassay about Abe Lincoln copied directly from Wikipedia.
💿 The mix CD your first boyfriend made that was a cruel blend of Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tesla, and Tangerine Dream.
⚙️ The simple cog in a machine your mid-level job has become despite your efforts to “make a difference.”
🕳 The sinkhole that took your family’s camper in 1989 when vacationing in Florida and your stuffed elephant went down with it.
🦠 The outbreak of mono you suspect you contracted from a joint Scott passed you at that party so you didn’t even get it from kissing anyone.
📉 Your savings account after your unfortunate and misplaced interest in bitcoin.
💱 The key to the mystery of Roanoke etched into a stone that someone now uses to block the cat door at night so the raccoons can’t come in.
🤹🏻♂️ Your older brother who is still trying to make it as a magician even though his girlfriend just left him for that very reason.
🗺 The paper map you had to buy from a gas station after you dropped your phone into a porta potty at an outdoor concert featuring Ratt as the headliner.
🖲 Whatever this is.
The 🛢 🔥 of shame you keep trying to🙅🏼♀️when your mind wanders to the elusive and mysteriously sexy 🧜🏼♂️ that you’ve been strangely obsessed with since age 12 but your conscience tells you you’re being 🧟♀️ and so you just eat 🍕🍟🧁🍩 to tamp those feelings👇🏼 but they still keep coming ☝🏼(🧜🏼♂️🧜🏼♂️🧜🏼♂️) so you 🧘🏼♂️ and 🤼♀️ with your feelings but you can’t seem to find the 🗝 to forgetting 🧜🏼♂️ so you finally write a 💌 and throw it in the 🌊 and 🙏🏼 that 🧜🏼♂️ reads it while eating his 🐟 dinner then you drive away in your 🚙, finally ready to move 🔛.
