Nerd’s Guide To Getting in a Gang
Prepare a decent backstory with a perfect mix of cynicism and optimism.
Published in
2 min readMar 13, 2021
- Make a spreadsheet of the all members of your ‘potential’ gang rating each of them on parameters like intensity of stare, shower frequency, hideous scars, magnitude of daddy’s neglect. Each member is to be finally rated on a 1 to 10 scale taking a weighted average of the parameters. Scale indicates approachability without any serious physical harm and/or nostril damage. Your first interaction should be with someone with a score of atleast 7.
- Give yourself a cool nickname like ‘The Newtonian Ninja’ or ‘The Euclidian Eagle’. The first name in the title should be a scientist/mathematician whose work had some real life application. If you picked ‘The Einsteinian Enigma’ it’s on you ! (Can’t blame the hood for not knowing the theory of relativity)
- Prepare a decent backstory with a perfect mix of cynicism and optimism. The theme should invariably be ‘The system sucks’ with a dash of ‘Let’s overthrow it’
- Show your loyalty to the group by coming up with slogans. ‘Mates before Gates’ meaning I rather hang out with you guys than go listen to Bill Gates’s Ted Talk in which he predicted a pandemic 5 years before it happended. Similarly ‘Buffay before Buffett’ meaning Let’s bond over ‘Friends’ rather than learning some useful investment tips from Warren Buffett
- Assess the ideological leaning of the group by talking about gun rights and tailor your conversations accordingly. (Polarization has infested every section of our society)
- Perform daring actions with no logical basis and then say catchphrases to be remembered by. For eg, Without any reason whatsoever, you may break a bottle over your head and say ‘my head was craving some glass’.
