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Urgent Warning!
Never Use Self Check-Out!
Former factory owner Jean Valjean explains why
Many years ago, my child Cosette, something happened.
“What happened Papa?”
Well, I went to Walmart to buy some bread for my sister’s hungry child. But there were no cashiers. I asked the security guard for help, this guy named Javert.
“It’s all self-checkout now,” he said.
So I went over to the machine. It was confusing. I thought I had followed the steps. I scanned the bread. It made a beep. I put in my credit card. I pressed Enter. It asked me how many bags I wanted. I said one bag. I took a bag. I put the bread in the bag. I walked out. But then as I was walking out the door an alarm went off.
“You mean you stole the bread, Daddy?”
No! I must have done something wrong at the machine. But when I heard the alarm I panicked. I was thinking of those starving nieces and nephews of mine, Cosette.
In the parking lot Javert grabbed me by the neck.
“Not so fast!” he said.
I threw him with superhuman strength across the parking lot and ran away.
“You’re a badass papa!”
