Nine Absurdities In The Wizard Of Oz And Why I Continue To Watch It Every Holiday Season

1. You expect me to believe Dorothy fell in that pig pen and her dress stayed in perfect condition?

The fact that there is not a speck of dirt on that blue dress after rolling around in a muddy pig pen is a little odd.

2. You expect me to believe a lion lives in a forest?

Although there is a small population of lions in the Gir Forest of northwest India, lions have always primarily been found on the plains of Africa. A cowardly black bear would have made much more sense.

3. You expect me to believe his first line of defense is boxing?

A boxing lion? HA! We all know that a pussy lion wouldn’t have thrown punches as his first line of defense.

4. You expect me to believe an old bitch who lives in rural Kansas is getting around on a bicycle?

Who the fuck is riding a bike from farm to farm in the middle of Kansas, especially a woman who is in at least her fifties at the time?

5. You expect me to believe a bitch couldn’t see a huge house right above her head and get out of the way before she got crushed.

I mean come on… even I look up every so often when I’m walking and wouldn’t she hear it?

6. You expect me to believe these monkeys could be trained to understand commands from this witch?

They say there’s only a 1.2% difference between primates and humans but I don’t think these monkeys would take a witch’s commands too seriously.

7. Why are munchkins coming out from beneath the ground?

One of the munchkins climbs up to surface level from what is clearly some sort of underground sewer. I know they’re little but why are they living underground?

8. You expect me to believe there isn’t one regular sized person in all of Munchkinland?

Now obviously the Wicked Witch of the East was the overseer of Munchkinland and surely she had to be of normal size so absolutley no one else of regular height resided in the town?

9. You expect me to believe this chick had that elaborate of a dream?

My dreams are almost always me in a terrifying situation which leads me to attempting suicide and then me waking up right before I die.

The Crystals

Somewhere Over the Rainbow continues to slap no matter how many times I hear it.

Something about watching a bunch of little people dance in formation gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

There really is nothing funnier than a bunch of flying monkeys and a bunch of foreign, singing little people.

Glinda saving the day is beautiful.