No “Cult of Trump”
POTUS denies claim during Guided Rage session
Earlier this week retiring Senator Bob Corker accused his fellow members of Congress of “cultist behavior” toward the President. The comment incensed Republican Congressmen and POTUS as well.
Showing deference to their Commander-in-Chief, however, GOP legislatures remained silent on the comment until the President proclaimed, “Americans don’t believe in cults, we believe in Freedom.”
GOP legislators leaped into the fray with interviews, released press reports and dropped talking points at every opportunity, each one insisting “Americans believe in freedom, not cults.”
The President took a moment to speak with reporters during a break from Guided Rage sessions he was conducting with Republican donors. “Cult. That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.” He paused for a moment while a White House aide adjusted a loose turban that matched his loose fitting saffron robe and solid gold sandals. His eyes reflected the rubies on each finger.
“I don’t expect my supporters to follow me like a cult. Absolute loyalty, undying, unwavering loyalty, absolutely. Cultish loyalty? Don’t be ridiculous.” Another assistant passed with a water and coffee cart. He stopped her and said, “See the guy with the Brookes Brothers suit and grey hair?” (The description matched half the men in the room.) “He asked how I could know for sure I’m God’s manifestation on earth. Make sure the slug gets the special Kool-Aid and wheel his body out the back when no one’s looking.”
“I don’t expect my supporters to follow me like a cult. Absolute loyalty, undying, unwavering loyalty, absolutely. Cultish loyalty? Don’t be ridiculous.”
The President returned to the question. “I assure you my supporters are free to speak their minds and pay the consequences when they do.” He ended the interview with a wave of his hand, and snapped his fingers. Twelve staff aides struggled to lift his palanquin and carry him back to the seminar.
Session participants are believed to have paid seven figures to attend three half-hour sessions, but The Haven couldn’t confirm those figures. One participant did report the President expected an additional gift for a gratuity “valued in excess of $250,000.”
The Haven was able to confirm that only sixteen of the forty participants completed the session. Services for the rest will be held throughout next week.
“I assure you my supporters are free to speak their minds and pay the consequences when they do.” Twelve staff aides struggled to lift the President’s palanquin.
GOP Congressmen continued to deny any cultish behavior toward the President for several days, and all stuck to the script. California Congressman Devin Nunes denied any suggestion the President spoon fed their answer. When reporters caught him leaving a private meeting with POTUS, he snapped, “We’re not slavishly repeating the President. His statement to the press contained two independent clauses. My statement, ‘Americans believe in freedom, not cults’ contains an adverbial clause. Look it up.”
Nunes excused himself to wipe a brown smear from the tip of his nose.
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
