Oh no, It’s Chatty Patty.
The good, the bad and the sometimes strange life of an actor
I was booked to play CLERICAL staff in the DA’s office in an episode of a popular TV show. I made the trek out to Manhattan Beach during rush hour and arrived at the studio with literally 5 minutes to spare. Manhattan Beach is NOT close to the San Fernando Valley and of course, this day, it was bumper to bumper on the dreaded 405. Not a good start to what is expected to be a long day at the studio.
As soon as I arrive at background holding I see the line forming already for wardrobe. I take my place and wait my turn. As I wait, I met up with a fellow BGA (background actor) that I’ve worked with before on various TV shows. She’s a very nice girl but when she starts talking there is no filter and there is no snooze button. I call her Chatty Patty. Chatty Patty loves to give you the rundown on what’s going on. She’s the information girl, the one that has her finger on the butt, oops, I mean the pulse of all the PA’s (production assistants) around town. You need info about a production, talk to Chatty Patty, she’ll give you the scoop. So, I’m online and Chatty Patty starts to give me the rundown on all the new rules and regulations of the show. Here they are:
- No cell phones on the set. They must be turned off, a PA will go around verifying that they are indeed turned off and left at holding. If you are discovered texting, talking or checking email while on the set you will be immediately dismissed, never to return. No exceptions.
- No personal belongings on the set, i.e, backpacks, large totes (that are not props), etc. All personal belongings must remain at holding.
- If snacks (sandwiches, burritos, tacos, etc) are brought out to Crafty in between meals, the background is not to have any until the Crew has had a chance to grab something first.
Okay, production is getting militant. Chatty Patty tells me that this is not the only show that is starting to implement these rules. Seems like several shows are cracking down on the whole cell phone thing on set. Understandably. I’ve been on a set when a BGA or even Crew member’s phone has gone off in the middle of an actor’s scene. Trust me, you don’t want to be the person whose phone that was. Think Christan Bale’s famous tirade on the set of Terminator Salvation. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it. Trust me. It’s a classic.
As soon as Chatty Patty has finished giving me the skinny, it’s our turn at wardrobe. We are given the thumbs up by wardrobe, so Chatty Patty and I go off to crafty for a light breakfast snack. We pick up some coffee and goodies and head back to holding. All the while, Chatty Patty is telling me stories about her misadventures on various productions around town mixed with some strange and very personal information. The other BG actors are staying clear of us. They know Chatty Patty and are afraid to land in her gravitational pull. Listen, folks, I love a good story, I’m sure you can tell, but Chatty Patty is not, how shall I put this, the most creative storyteller around. The problem is she thinks she is. Have you ever seen the 1980 spoof film, Airplane! when Robert Hayes’ character keeps telling his war story to the various people sitting next to him and they prefer to commit suicide than to keep listening?
Do you remember?
You get the picture.
After the fifth Chatty Patty adventure story, I was given a reprieve by the PA who called us to set. I’ve never been so happy to work in my life! But before we left holding, we had to show her our cell phones to verify that they were turned off and stored safely in our bags.
We arrive on set and are placed throughout the lobby of the DA’s building. I’m to stand with two male BGAs and pretend to talk to them about some cases we are working on while the main actors do their thing behind us because my shoes are too noisy. They don’t want me walking. The noisy shoe thing is a common occurrence on film and TV sets. This situation is usually remedied by the sound guy who goes around putting rubber stoppers on ladies’ heels and rubber cushions on the souls of shoes. However, the sound guy can’t find his bag of rubber stoppers so all the women wearing heels will have to stand or tiptoe. I HATE tiptoeing so I’m very happy I’ll be one of the standing BGAs.
We do the scene several times, no problem. Then the 1st AD yells, “We’re turning around.” That means they are switching the camera to the other side to get a close up of the other actor in the scene. When this happens, the background is usually told to leave the set and go back to holding. Since our holding is on the other side of the sound stage we are told to wait just outside the set in a make-believe lobby with benches and chairs. This is when things get boring on a set. The waiting around for cameras and lighting to set up. You can’t imagine the work that goes into lighting a set for just one scene. Sometimes, walls have to come down and set furniture has to be moved around which means a long wait time in between setups. We usually have our cellphones during this downtime but due to the new Gestapo rules, we are sitting around doing nothing. I’m looking down at the ground when I feel someone sit next to me. I look up and, hello, Chatty Patty has found me. She proceeds to tell me a story about her cat and a hairball and how she thinks her cat is possessed. Why she is telling me this story, I have no clue. Perhaps I have the face of someone that would find that story fascinating. All I know is that I’m looking around at the other BGAs begging for help. But they have all abandoned me for crafty food and salvation. So I sit there, in silence, smiling and pretending to care that her cat, Princess Meow, may be the re-incarnated soul of Marilyn Monroe. I kid you not.
We are called back in. By this time, the sound guy has found his bag of rubber stoppers and all the women with the problem heels are now ready to walk in silence. That means I’ll be walking in this scene.
I am told that when the star finishes her lines and walks away, I am to walk towards the trial room doors. I will be walking with another BGA. We will walk and mimic talking at the same time. We rehearse.
BACK TO ONE!
I’m standing with my fellow BGA. The star finishes her lines and walks out of the frame. We start walking towards the trial room, mimicking a conversation as we walk.
CUT!
The Director walks over to the 1st AD (assistant director) who is standing right next to us and I mean, right next to us, in fact, he’s facing us. The director walks up to the 1st and says to him, “Tell them (my fellow BGA and I) to mimic a conversation before they start walking towards the trial room. I want it to seem like they are having one continuous conversation.” Then the director leaves. The 1st AD turns to us and says, “You heard what he said?” We shake our heads yes. He walks away. We look at each other and say nothing, but if we had been cartoons, we would have had rated R conversation bubbles over our heads.
Anyway, we did our part beautifully and the 1st AD thanked us. As we were signing out I saw Chatty Patty talking to a newbie, a young blond pretty girl who was looking mighty scared. God knows what story Chatty Patty was telling her. Maybe she was describing her cat’s bodily functions. I don’t know but I did see the poor girl when I was leaving the parking structure. She was running, I should say, she was sprinting to her car. Well, I guess Chatty Patty scared off another background actor to the business.
