On The Road to 80,000,000,000 Subscribers (emotional)

Photo by Austin Human on Unsplash with other crap posted on it

What is up you guys?! It’s ya boy GloRn and, like, I’m so hyped to be here! This video is literally sponsored by Travis’ Duvet Covers so check out their blankets and stuff so they can pay for a new Ferrari I’m too young to drive. Thanks so much for being here and make sure to like and subscribe for all my hype content that is also 100 and is mega hype, so like and subscribe to the GloRn-Krew Channel.

As you know, I’m 11 or 23 years old but I’m already worth $400 million because I make videos of me pooping on a toilet while eating hot peppers and listening to the hottest tracks from Candy Teepeepee ft. The Moo Boys. He’s my main boy and I’m ya boy and also what even is a toilet?

I got a literal message from user @GloRnKrewLovesToDab that made me tear up because words mean a lot to me and so do starving children in other countries so help poor people to be less gross #malnourishmenthype. She or he said that they quit their job as a 13 year old real estate mogul so they can watch my videos 25 hours a day and, like, what is a job anyway? I’m just a regular child/full grown adult who poops on a toilet and this job is so hard so, like, just like and subscribe because these peppers are on fire and also buy Travis’ Duvet Covers because my hot tub made of antelope bones needs more diamonds in it.

So, like, today we’re actually going to do it! We’re gonna hit 80,000,000,000 subscribers and all of the governments in the world are gonna crown me the youngest king in history #soblessed. I’d like to thank all the GloRn-Krew and also my friend Dagger Flop (shout out to Dagger Flop) who is rotting in prison for harassing a bus full of Portuguese nuns with a World War 2 flamethrower! He helped me through so many emotional life moments, like when my hot pocket was in a microwave that DID NOT WORK! I can’t even with these microwaves #radiationpoisoning.

My dream was always to be on Youtube and MeCloud and Splornge-world and Gary’s TV Almanac and, like, you guys made it happen!! I am LITERALLY a magical toad that secretes fatal venom right now!

6 months ago, when my parents conceived me or something(shout out to my totally chill parents whom I paid handsomely to have extra human toes sewed to their bodies so my channel would be unique) I was just a normal human like all of you. Now, I’m being invited to all the cool parties where they literally give drugs to kids! Totally legit and righteous!

I’m just so blessed to be hooked on cocaine, you guys.

So I just wanted to say thanks to my GloRn-Krew and to tell you we have more toilet pooping videos comin’ up with the big celebrities #PorcelainBeyonce. Also, there’s some major drama I’m gonna share about when I went to something called a grocery store and had to BUY MY OWN FOOD!!! Like, I can’t even imagine chewing my own footlong sub and digesting it. What even is food, fam?

So, keep sending that love in the form of cash and vials of blood and like and subscribe for all the latest toilet poopin’ vids. I love you guys so much and if you ever see me in public I expect you to sacrifice your firstborn at the altar that is my ruby-encrusted Doc Martens.

Keep it fresh and dumpy, fam!