Open letter to Don

Don. Do you realize what you are doing? Has Melania or Ivanka clued you in? Has Tiffany texted you lately?

Don. We are all tired and worn out. You are acting in a very poopy fashion.

  • Stop pushing people. For heaven’s sake. You will get your lunch as soon as everybody else does.
  • Stop it with the arm wrestling. Just give a nice firm handshake and move along.
  • SCOTCH TAPE? You have never heard of a TIE CLIP? Melania probably has a Cartier barrette you could use. Or even a staple placed judiciously (no pun intended-believe me!) would be better than Scotch Tape!
  • Don’t try to hold hands with Melania. She thinks your skin is clammy.
  • What’s with the wandering off during interviews? Didn’t they tell you that if you don’t have to go to the toilet beforehand, just go in and TRY? Or learn to hold it?
  • Learn to pronounce things. ERDOGAN is pronounced AIR DOUGH WAN. And did you mean to say “certainty?” “surety” is a financial term.
  • Most bald men eventually come to terms with it and give up on elaborate comb-overs.
  • Don’t leer at Ivanka. Just stop that right now.
  • Thinking of getting a tattoo? The word BLOVIATOR would look good on your neck. Sort of like gang ink for the thug-in-chief.
  • Don. Ask Melania what happened to the anti-bully campaign. Or did you think she was alluding to The Bully Pulpit, so you told her to find another platform? Like helping out the couture industry with those Jackets that cost the same as the combined per capita income of, say-a small country?
  • And Don. Lose the football coach hand gestures.
  • And for God’s sake. Twitter is so yesterday. Have you tried Snapchat? So fun! And your posts disappear after a few minutes! 😜
  • Is Jared there? Tell him to run and hide.
  • Maybe you had better go with him…