So you’re pumping gas, bored out of your skull because it’s been more than ten seconds since you inserted the gas dispensing dealy into the gas hole thingy. What are you supposed to do with the remaining two to three minutes until your gas tank is finally full? Certainly not be alone with your thoughts. Ugh.
Plus it can be difficult to scroll Twitter on your phone while simultaneously scanning for nefarious pigeons.
Some gas stations have thoughtfully installed television screens at each pump. They’re mostly there to make you bash your head into the car door in terror when a booming voice starts reciting the definition of a fancy word or relaying the local news. But televisions alone just aren’t diverting enough, which is why I’m suggesting the following additional forms of entertainment for gas stations far and wide.
Any gas station could totally put on a magic show to lure the customers in. Little white bunny rabbits go with gasoline the way hot fudge sauce goes with pickled herring! It would also be super fun if the magician made random vehicles that aren’t mine disappear. Maybe the one that’s been riding my bumper for the past 86 miles.
Overly strict gambling laws are the only reason I can think of why someone hasn’t already done this. You’re stuck at your vehicle’s side, high on gas fumes and in possession of your wallet, right? Might as well say hello to a friendly Blackjack dealer the moment you step out of your car.
Someone Playing the Spoons
The spoons are an overlooked yet mesmerizing form of entertainment. Gas station proprietors should totally install rickety chairs at each pump for awesome spoon-playing individuals to recline upon. Bonus points if the spoon-wielding musicians also tell stories about the Great Turnip Juice Shortage of 1968.
Cirque de Soleil Performers
I’m picturing a lithe contortionist dangling from the pump. While he’s up there, he sews the left side of his forehead to his L7 vertebra using nothing but his teeth and a fluorescent scarf. This would all be set to the soothing sounds of Yanni and Kenny G, of course. Pumping gas could be as relaxing as a day at the spa. Aaaaah…