Other Speakers Who Were Considered for the Opening Night of the Women’s Convention, but Had Previous Commitments

Joyce Millman
The Haven
Published in
2 min readOct 12, 2017

(Oct. 12 — The Women’s March announced today that Bernie Sanders will be the opening night speaker at their “Women’s Convention,” being held in Detroit on Oct. 27–29.)

Other Speakers Who Were Considered for the Opening Night of the Women’s Convention, but Had Previous Commitments

The boy who sat behind you in fifth grade and copied off all of your tests, and when you told him to stop, threatened to destroy your bike.

The male co-worker who brainstormed a new social media campaign with you, took all the credit, and got a promotion.

The guy in your fem studies class who mansplains Kate Millett.

That record store guy who told you Beyonce would be nothing without Jay Z.

The random dude in your mentions who “well, actually’s” your opinion that “The River” is Springsteen’s best album.

The bro who argued with you on the street last year when you were wearing a Planned Parenthood T-shirt and a Hillary button, because, according to him, Hillary and Planned Parenthood were part of “the establishment” and you need to get over your identity politics. Oh, wait — that was Bernie.

The guy in the comments section of ESPN.com who complains about the tone of Jessica Mendoza’s voice.

The New York Times writers still bravely clinging to the idea that Hillary was unlikeable and didn’t connect with “people.”

The progressive bro who would vote for a woman, just not “this” woman. Or that one. Or that other one.

Mike Pence.

©Joyce Millman, The Mix Tape, 2017

Originally published at joycemillman.wordpress.com on October 12, 2017.

--

--

Joyce Millman
The Haven

Humor writing published in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Points in Case, Robot Butt. TV & music critic in a past life. Blog at joycemillman.wordpress.com