HERMIT-CRAB FICTION
Our Special Words For Things
‘Mouth-to-mouth: The practice, only to be used as a last resort, of trying to blow water through the tiny apertures in the dishwasher blade, so as to remove a stubborn bit of eggshell or congealed rice.’
Anti-burst hose
Don’t ask.
Bad medicine
What you called the cheap tablets I’d get when you weren’t paying attention. You always reminded me that several top manufacturers recommend Fairy Platinum, and skimping a couple of quid on some cheap imitation would actually cost us more in the long run. ‘Buy cheap, buy twice,’ as you always liked to say. (Not to be confused with that other bad medicine, the stuff that made you bruise like a peach and made all your muscles go numb.)
Bad fairy
A person who deliberately inflicts bad medicine (ie non-Fairy tablets) on their machine. Over time, this became your nickname for me whenever I’d done anything silly or naughty, such as overloading or giving in to my self-storage delusion. Or mixing up your meds or not realising that a pill organiser is an obvious no-goer.
