Own a Solar Panel? Join Our Class Action Lawsuit Against the Moon

You may be entitled to financial compensation!

Sean Myers
The Haven

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Photo by Good Free Photos on Unsplash

Dear Fellow American,

Our records indicate that you purchased and installed an array of solar panels in 2023.

First off, thank you for doing your part in the Green Energy Revolution. With your help, we can give our children a world where they can turn 50 without worrying that their tribe will turn them out to the wolves for being a liability. Instead, we can give them a corporate hellscape where it’s impossible to save for retirement. And congratulations on the estimated $1.12 you earn on an average day thanks to your investment. Don’t spend it all in one place!

Secondly, you may have heard that there was a recent solar eclipse that impacted your premises. During this event, the moon passed in front of the sun to create a once-in-a-lifetime spectacle.

In so doing, the moon tortiously interfered with your business relationship with the sun, thereby depriving you of income to which you were entitled.

While the amount that you, personally, lost was de minimus, an estimated 30 gigawatts of solar power was lost across the country, which we are valuing at over $200 million.

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Sean Myers
The Haven

Professional legal blogger and author of Flight of Fools, a satire/fantasy about escapism and reality — https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B49PRRSF