E Barnes
E Barnes
Nov 27 · 2 min read

“I’ve been doing the physical exercises, Doctor. We’re taking the kids to her mother’s house for the night and I know she won’t be disappointed.”

Dr. Adams scratched behind his ear. “That’s great Joe, but you know…don’t rush things… give it some time. Perhaps spontaneity would be best.”

“Thanks, doc. You’ve been a great help. I’m ready.” I shook his hand and rushed out of his office. I think he wanted to say more but I was out of there.

When I walked through the door my youngest yelled, “Daddy’s home!”

“Dad, Connor won’t stop hitting me,” said Susan as I tried to un-twist her from around my legs.

Connor was on the computer, headphones on but he heard her. “I don’t hit women, unless they get in my way,” he giggled wildly while getting a kill in Fortnite.

I didn’t want them to know how anxious I was for them to get the hell in the car.

“Where’s , Mom?” I asked.

“She’s been in the bathroom for the last freakin’ hour,” said Connor. I wanted to smack him in the back of his head but I just grabbed him by the collar and yelled at both of them. “Come on guys, get in the car now — Grandma’s expecting you soon… we’re late!”

“Can we get a drink first, Daddy?” Susan pleaded with those kitten-like eyes of hers.

I hurried to the fridge, grabbed the two liter of pop. I sat the bottle on the counter top a little too hard.

“Dad, wait…”

As I unscrewed the pop bottle — an explosion.

Pepsi all over the ceiling.

“Mom!” yelled Connor. “Dad did it again!”

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

E Barnes

Written by

E Barnes

I live in Ohio but don’t ask why.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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