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Triathlon Laughs
Pamela’s Unofficial Ironman World Championship Survival Guide
It’s even better than Tinder
Welcome to Kona, Home of the Ironman World Championship! It’s your lucky day! 2400 men, many single, will be arriving to ‘Swim.Bike.Run.’ Let’s give those 2400 bodies in peak physical shape and in sweaty, skin-tight clothing the time of their life. My name is Pamela and I am a seasoned triathlon volunteer, including three times an Ironman World Championship. #ironmanvolunteer
Because my life’s greatest calling is helping needy and very fit men, I thought this year I would provide my expertise on how to best make yourself useful and avoid the biggest volunteer fails. Athletes have an acronym ‘did not finish’ or DNF for their fails. Your fail? DNF — ‘Did not fuck’. No one wants to go home a loser.
Who knows — you might get to say “You are an Ironman” to one special Ironman that very night. They really like that. Practice saying it in a mirror for when that very specific moment comes. And it will.
Let’s start with understanding the race. You don’t want to appear clueless as though you’re just there for the eye candy — which does not disappoint. These guys are going to swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and then run a full marathon — 26.2 miles. The grand total on this…
