Pandemic Fitness Tips From Fairy Tale Characters
Once upon a treadmill…
With many gyms still closed and most of us finding it difficult to lift a pen, let alone bench our usual 450 pounds or so, it’s time to turn to one of history’s most tried and true sources of totally legit advice: fairytales. Here’s what some of literature’s enduring characters can teach us about keeping fit during these trying times.
Rapunzel
Nothing is more important than a toned, sexy neck. Sculpt your sternocleidomastoid and trapezius muscles into a rippling 6-pack by working out with shipping containers of discarded hair. You can also work on sleek-ifying your neck muscles by eating copious amounts of chocolate — because swallowing totally burns calories.
Cinderella
Running away from princes is my preferred way to stay in shape. Be sure to wear a mask so you’re not coughing and wheezing all over the princess convention that’s in town, though. And wear supportive footwear. Glass really does nothing for shock absorption or cushioning if you’re heading out for a long run.
Sleeping Beauty
There’s no better way to keep the pounds off than by lying unconscious for one hundred years. My motto is, “If I’m asleep, I cannot eat.”
