Parents, Make Sure To Check For Fentanyl In Your Kid’s Halloween Cocaine!
Trip or tweak!
It’s finally that time of year again! Where the leaves turn brown, 12-foot tall skeletons are erected in the yards of Fall fanatics, and mysterious drug pushers who definitely don’t work for the FBI are supplanting standard Halloween treats with innocuously-wrapped dabs of smack.
Luckily for the parents of young children, there seem to be no credible studies which link illicit drugs to Halloween candy, much to the chagrin of financially unstable hop-heads roaming the streets in search of a cheap hit. However, there is still one demographic at high risk for stealthy dosing: Partygoers.
Those looking to engage in intentional drug use this Halloween, to spice up a party with a spooky bump of coke or a few pressed pills’ worth of stool hardener, may find themselves in great danger at the hands of the true surreptitious substance currently enriching billionaires, fentanyl. This hot-dog-water drug equivalent is all over the streets like Drake’s new album, and promises to be just as dangerous for young people everywhere.
If you’re reading this, you’ve almost certainly lost someone in your life to the ubiquitous opioid, or know someone who has, as governmental agencies and pharmaceutical companies have gone out of their way to slip it into every food, drink, and drug they can like artificial sweeteners and empty calories. Before long, parents will be forced to parse every object their children consume down to an atomic level or succumb to daily Narcan sprays in place of traditional allergy meds.
For parents of small children, teaching your fuck-trophies about the importance of checking any individually wrapped item for signs of tampering or contaminants is a smart idea, even if the risk of nougat-covered ‘rainbow fentanyl’ is relatively low. Unfortunately, the real truth of the matter is that your children should be double-checking your rails for signs of instant mashed flakes of fent this Halloween, considering adults 30–39 are dropping like flies from the shit, and without so much as a pleasant sugar-buzz to accompany the demise.
The world of food and drugs has become quite alarming in recent years. But if there’s one thing that certainly won’t be loaded with fentanyl, (and there is one thing that won’t be loaded with fentanyl,) it’s my mailing list! Subscribe to get articles delivered straight to your email, factory sealed and free of charge.
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