People behind People are Outraged articles finally revealed
A recent discovery by students at a university in Southern Iowa is set to be published in this Friday’s edition of The New York Times. In this article, it is revealed that the “People” mentioned in “People are Outraged” articles are actually just one person, a Mrs. Mildred Oscowl of Grand Log, Arizona.
Mrs. Oscowl, whom neighbors say is constantly outraged about everything, was once married to Drentax The Cruel, the Mars Alien Overlord who was banished to deep space when investigators discovered he controlled all news outlets on planet Earth.
As part of his plea deal, Drentax The Cruel asked the judge to allow his then wife, Mildred Oscowl, to take on the title of “People”. When asked why he wanted that request to be granted, Drentax appeared to radiate some kind of energy that enveloped the judge in an orange aura. Shortly thereafter, the request was granted and Drentax was banished for all eternity.
After the case was closed, “People are Outraged” articles began to appear in every newspaper, both in print and electronic form. The topics in these articles ranged from outrage over people claiming to have food allergies to the way snakes and horses were treated in movies about snakes and horses.
The Times article also alleges that Mildred Oscowl has serious beef with Kylie Jenner and the entire Kardashian clan. Oscowl, who is reported to be at least 897 years old, apparently doesn’t like reality TV stars or the drama that surrounds them. She is also quoted as hating the phrase “throwing shade” and people who use it.
Additionally, the article describes Oscowl as a giant insectoid/human mutant with telekinesis abilities that science is unable to explain. No known records of Mrs. Oscowl’s birth exist and the article further alleges that no human has actually ever laid eyes on her and lived.
Look for the shocking report in *BUZZING NOISES*
