The Haven
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The Haven

Pick-Up Lines — The 2021 Edition

Artwork by Hakan Nural on Unsplash

Unlike the global vaccine rollout, I would never have you wait on me.

Are you the Second Gentleman? Because I’ve never seen someone like you before.

You must be Bernie Sanders’ mittens because I still see you wherever I go.

If you’re vaccinated, then why haven’t we met already?

I am the Biden administration to your relationship history — no one’s dream, but the right person to undo the trash you’ve dated before me.

My charm is like the coronavirus vaccine — you meet me once, you can’t help but meet me again.

Are you the vaccine? Because I can’t wait for you to get into me.

You are the Dr. Fauci to my ego — the one that grounds me every time I want to fly.

I need you the way Trump needs an impeachment — every single year, even when you are not with me.

I want you as desperately as a syringe wants someone over 75 —right away, and more than anyone else.

My love for you is as permanent and perennial as the mask you wear.

Are you a health worker’s PPE? Because you still completely take my breath away.

I’ll wait for you with the nervous patience with which Chuck Schumer waits to kickstart the Senate impeachment trial.

I’ll stand by you the way Bernie Sanders’ beige jacket stood by him through all of his memes.

I need you the way Trump needs Palm Beach after instigating a mob of right-wing extremists.

Dating you would feel like being the husband of a Vice President — new, exciting, and a first.

I will surprise you in more ways than coronavirus can with its many variants.

You have impressed me in more ways than Biden’s 17 executive orders on his first day in office.

Are you a Californian lockdown? Because I know you’ll come back in my life.

Our love would be like the US democracy — full of obstacles but triumphant in the end.




A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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Akshita Singh

Akshita Singh

Data Science and Satire. One or the other, or both at once. But never without either.

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