Pitched
A midnight blue Citroën Traction Avant. A pea green World War II great coat with leather epaulets. A cocker spaniel with a bladder infection. A penchant for filter-tipped Gauloises. He’s particularly handy with a Walther PPK but capable of improvising his way around a tin of biscuits and some elastic bands to create deadly traps for his foes. Catchphrase: “Quel dommage”.
Notes: A bit noirish, isn’t it? Not sure the Walther PPK fits. But the cocker spaniel’s good for a dash of character sympathy. Perhaps try again.
A green cut-and-shut Jag XJS with a Ford Granada engine (he’s a man attempting to live up to an image he can ill afford. If you hadn’t guessed). A beige Mackintosh raincoat with worn lining. An obese gerbil he’s looking after for his ex (perhaps it’s a different one each week because they keep dying on him?). I reckon this one is a pipe smoker. And isn’t it about time Kung-Fu came back into vogue? I get the feeling this hero is literally handy with the villains. Catchphrase: “Who’s up for some rough shag?”
Notes: I’ve read Maigret. Okay, so he wasn’t Bruce Lee, but the rough shag (unless we’re talking Austin Powers here, and I don’t think you are…) and the pipe with the raincoat… Give him a Jag and a gerbil and people are still going to be thinking of Maigret. Paint him bright blue and people are still going to be thinking of Maigret. Have another run at it, Bill.
A bright red Edsel with leatherette styling. A tan leisure suit worn without socks. Loafers on his feet. No pet, but a Bonsai he’s cultivating in the apartment left to him by his deceased fighter pilot and gourmet chef father (loads of character interest there, not to mention the opportunity to bring back elements of his father’s past to prompt new plots — this week, Sous Chef Harry returns with a grudge for the dauphinoise disaster of 1942; next week, Squadron Leader Harris’ moustache net provides a vital clue to a mystery from beyond the grave). He’s heavily into smack but with accompanying guilt complex. Is Robin Hood the only hero with bow and arrow we can think of? Catchphrase: “How’s that for a bullseye?”
Notes: Bit wide of the mark again here, Bill (see what I did there with your bullseye?). Nice to see thoughts about how it’s going to lead into plot, though. We can’t lose sight of the fact that these characteristics are supposed to help us for the series.
A beige Peugeot 403 convertible, beaten up. A crumpled raincoat worn even in the LA weather. A lethargic basset hound that answers only to the name “Dog”. Cigars. Very cheap and nasty cigars. Never without ’em. No fighting skills to speak of — frightened of heights, guns, and even the mildest physical action. Catchphrase, because he’s so disorganised he doesn’t take notes and never has a pencil: “Just one more thing…”
Notes: None of this goes. A raincoat and a Peugeot in LA? A dog — what, coming with him on investigations? Or do we watch him taking the little guy for a walk for half an hour each week? Cheap cigars — well, the sponsors are going to love that. And no action? No action?
I love it. It’ll run for years.
