Please Note — Extending Your Vehicle Warranty is Some Serious Shit
I just don’t understand why someone would pass up the opportunity to renew their vehicle’s extended warranty. You never know when it could come in handy. Tires run out of gas, steering wheels go flat, and sometimes pressing on your horn can cause your engine to explode. Having that piece of mind that comes with extending your vehicle’s warranty will be enough to put any concerns at ease. All we ask for in return is your credit card information and one of your ten fingerprints. Standard stuff.
I understand why you might be confused and concerned about how we got your phone number and vehicle information, but I can assure you that it’s nothing to worry about, and your passwords are safe with us. It’s unsuspicious for me to call you at the exact moment of your free time, which is between your son’s soccer practice and dinner. I hope you enjoy tonight’s meal — Indian food. You should actually take comfort in the fact that I care about you enough to know these things. By the way, those navy blue pants you bought at Target yesterday are really superb.
Now that I have your attention, let’s discuss how important it is for you to extend your vehicle’s warranty. Let me be frank- you don’t want any unforeseen mechanical problems or accidents to affect your vehicle’s reliability. You could easily back out of your driveway tomorrow morning and accidentally back onto a land mine that was planted there during the night. I think you’ll agree with the fact that you can’t put a price on protection from those outside threats. Sometimes it’s just easier to pay the ransom and move forward with life until it’s time to extend your warranty again. Our experts anticipate this will be needed monthly, but it’s okay; we’ll keep your payment information on file along with any information you don’t want leaked to the public.
I have just received word that I can give you this one-time offer at half the price we were originally going to take. This is an amazing deal that you won’t want to pass up. Not going forward with this would be like telling us that you don’t care if your spouse’s brakes randomly stop working on their way home from getting your take out dinner.
Let’s go ahead and lock this in now. Your chicken tikka masala might not ever get home to you, depending on what you decide to do next. This deal is too good to pass up, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you decline. All your neighbors are doing it, and they recommended your name when they got a little tied up and robbed. Don’t let this be the extended vehicle warranty that got away. You’ll be sorry.
