Pre-Workout Supplement Tested on Unstable Asshole Proves to Be Huge Success

Photo of the alcoholic author who was drinking alcohol overseas while somebody else who was drinking alcohol took the picture years before I wrote this article while under the influence of alcohol.

Wisconsin. Sources confirmed last week that a new muscle building supplement called BarBarik was recently tested and found to be a huge success.

The pill containing massive amounts of vitamins, minerals, protein, calcium, boron, caffeine, and various other unlisted ingredients was given to emotionally-unstable asshole Lane Williams, 33, who noticeably started crying halfway throughout his exercise routine.

Despite already being 250 pounds, hot-tempered, psychologically unbalanced, violent, dangerously unpredictable, and embarrassingly full of himself, Lane agreed to try the testosterone booster 45 minutes before doing a 600-pound deadlift, which was followed by 57 wide-grip chin-ups and 37 arm curls.

Although there were some initial concerns that the moody, narcissistic, and overly competitive monstrosity began weeping intensely in the middle of doing 300 abdominal crunches, onlooking members claimed they were impressed when the equipment-hoarding and ultimately useless jerk screamed at the ceiling and then tore his own shirt off before throwing an entire elliptical machine (including the helpless person who was using it) through the main plate-glass window overlooking the street.

A mere few seconds after ferociously pulling out his own hair and foaming uncontrollably at the mouth, Lane further impressed gym owners by doing 9 sets of leg extensions, ripping the back door of the building off with his bare hands, and then picking up the back end of somebody else’s vehicle in a nearby parking lot.

According to neighbors, the 33-year-old then jogged around the block of his house 27 times and finally sat down on his front porch right before his beard started on fire and both of his testicles exploded.

Given its potency and tremendous success in the realm of bodybuilding and exercise, producers of the supplement say it will soon be tested on alcoholics to see if it can make them more productive before it becomes available in stores across the United States.