Americans across America applauded the President who explained economics in way they could understand for the first time ever. (Photo by Gage Skidmore)

President explains basic economics

Hannity show premieres new Trumponomics series

Phillip T Stephens
The Haven
Published in
4 min readOct 12, 2017

--

October 11, 2017

The President appeared on Sean Hannity tonight to explain how economics works to the everyday American. In a single run-on sentence he taught the average working Joe[1] more about how the government affects our national cash flow than thousands of eggheads blabbering their big mouths on liberal media fake news shows.

The lesson was short, sweet, over in a minute and crystalized thousands of pages in boring economics books you never read in college and sell back for ten percent of what you paid for them.[2]

He began by explaining how “in the last eight years we borrowed more than in the entire history of the country.” Once he provided his fans and voters with context, he presented the lesson:

“So they borrowed more than ten trillion, right, and yet we picked up 5.2 trillion just in the stock market possibly picked up the whole thing in just nine months in terms of value so you can say in one sense we’re really increasing values and maybe in a sense we’re reducing debt but we’re very honored by it and we’re very happy with what’s happening on Wall Street.”[3]

The money you make on the stock market wipes out twice the debt you owe.

Later in the show he broke it down into bullet points:

  • Money you make on the stock market wipes out twice the debt you owe.
  • 5.2 trillion in the stock market erases 15.6 trillion in debt. (5.2 x 2 = 15.6)
  • If the stock market gets rich, we all get rich. So that erases the other half of the debt.
  • I’ve been in office nine months so that’s how long it took.

He summarized the lesson with the conclusion: “Americans are now filthy rich as a nation thanks to me, which is an honor I richly deserve.”

The President concluded his lesson by assuring his audience that “Americans are now filthy rich as a nation thanks to me, which is an honor I richly deserve.”

Audience response is greatest in the history of audience responses

After the show audience members overflowed with enthusiasm for their newly acquired mastery of basic economics. Frank and Phoebe Kettle from Cape Flattery, California said, “We was never smart before, but when the President explains it, we know we’s as smart as anybody.”

Luke Yoakum of Dogpatch, Kentucky, reported that, “When you listen to the President, he tells you what you know’d all along. You’re a damn sight smarter than anyone who devoted their life to master the subject. That’s for certain.” Mr. Yoakum wanted to continue the interview, but he had to put out the fire started when he left his corn cob pipe, still lit, in his pocket.

More lessons to come

In the next few months the President’s topics will include:

The President will present more economics lessons to America during the next year on topics that range from taxes, to world trade, to the twenty-second amendment.
  • Why investing in his business empire will boost the economy more than paying taxes.
  • Why staying at Trump hotels boost’s the nation’s tax base.
  • Why repealing the twenty-second amendment will make the economy more stable.
  • Why buying covfefe shares will drive the Chinese from the world’s economic map.
  • Why math doesn’t matter in business.

Videos of The President’s lectures will be posted at http://whitehouse.gov/smarterthanthem. HD Blu-Ray copies accompanied by scans of the President’s notes, with his autograph added in Photoshop, can be purchased for $279.95 or 90 monthly payments of $5.99.

[1]: And Jane.

[2]: Which he will explain in Lesson 5: How colleges steal you blind and leave you stupid (except for real American blue collar Bible Colleges).

[3]: We called the White House to fact check, and the Press Secretaries office explained that the staff looked up “U.S. Debt” on Google, assumed that was the entire debt accrued by the nation since it’s inception, which makes sense because it is, divided that by two and added the word “more” because we borrowed more in the last eight years than the entire history of the country. Based pn their account we have to rate the story “for sure true no doubt about it.”

Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.

--

--