1st GEAR TOPS
Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow
Get your motor idling!
For some unknown reason, despite thoroughly cleaning out my ears daily, every morning my right ear appears to have been used as Madame Tussaud’s scrap bucket overnight. There’s a fresh new batch of wax in my right ear large enough to open up one of those quaint New England candle shops with names like Ye Olde Miller’s Candle Emporium and Lobster Roll Hut.
As one might expect, this is why it took me so long to learn how to ride a motorcycle. I’ve been worried that a large gob of earwax might dislodge itself in my helmet and get smeared all over my visor while I’m hurtling down the highway at 80 miles per hour.
Nevertheless, in these rough economic times when the price of gasoline is getting so high that I’m alarmingly close to running out of valuable personal organs to sell just to top off my tank, I’ve decided to start riding a motorcycle.
Since motorcycles require so little gas, riding one is not only an affordable way to get wherever I’m going, it’s also a way to do it while absolutely terrified. I definitely won’t be dying in a fatal earwax related crash at 80 miles per hour because I can barely get up to 30 miles per hour without my butt cheeks clenching…
