Anna Jadow
The Haven
Published in
2 min readFeb 7, 2022


Photo by Rinck Content Studio on Unsplash

Hey, Hallmark…

Roses are red
Violets are blue
How about making
Some cards that are true?

To My Sister on Valentine’s Day: Are you sure you’re not settling?

To My Spectacularly Horrendous Ex-Boyfriend: My therapist thanks you for putting her kids through college

Dear Daughter: He will never commit — freeze your eggs.

Happy Valentine’s Day to My BFF: Your boyfriend’s kind of an asshole.

To My Wonderful Boyfriend: I know we said no gifts this year, but I got you a sleep apnea machine so I don’t have to kill you in your sleep.

To My Adoring Husband: Thank you for pitching in around the house even though you also have a job. Notice that I didn’t thank you for splitting the housework with me. I mean, it’s great that you rinsed the dishes, but why didn’t you load the dishwasher?

To My Little Bro: Are you sure you want to get married? The average length of a marriage in the United States is 8.2 years, and I just don’t know if Kemberly is the one. She ignores a lot of my texts, she’s never gotten me a birthday present, and I didn’t care for her toast at my rehearsal dinner. What kind of a name is



Anna Jadow
The Haven

I say things 🙈 Words in HuffPost, The Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, MuddyUm, Frazzled, The Haven, Scary Mommy, Sammiches