Reasons to Go Back to the Moon
Get on it, NASA!
Fewer people for self-driving cars to run over.
Ruining second planet shows Earth it’s nothing personal.
Living on moon legit excuse for missing friend’s improv show.
Jeff Bezos’ bio-dome gets free Amazon Prime.
View of Earth’s natural disasters looks really cool from up there.
Peaceful co-existence with settlers until moon warlord takes power.
Can’t hear Fall Out Boy through vacuum of space.
Selfies with space-helmet duck lips.
Zero gravity sex slightly less awkward than boinking in 1G.
Student loans look smaller from space.
No atmosphere for Chinese balloons to panic us.
Elon Musk might permanently leave planet.
Affordable rents make up for three-day commute.
Chance to create new society where pasty white guys not in charge.
Can attribute muscular weakness to living in space instead of not working out.
No oxygen, but also no Tucker Carlson.
