Recipes from the 1950s: Super Supper Loafs
The Deranged Gourmet, Part 4
We’re so excited to bring you these Super Supper Loaf recipes from the 1950s that we’ve nearly lost our minds! We know they’ll help you with not only bringing down food costs, but also appetites. You’ll save money twice over! So let’s get busy whipping up these luscious loafs.
1. Super Supper Salad Loaf — The one, the only, the original party dish, here’s your classic Loaf ‘O Hollow Bologna stuffed with mashed peas interred in mayonnaised Jell-O! Who among us wouldn’t drool?
Ingredients:
One and a half pounds of unsliced bologna.
Peas.
Mayonnaise and Jell-O.
Garnishes.
Instructions:
Hollow out the bologna. It should be square because we mid-century moderns are into symmetry.
Count, cook and mash precisely one thousand peas, mix them with gelatin and mayonnaise until someone cries, “Patsy Baloney!,” and stuff it.
Top with puree of yellow albatross (see next recipe), garnish with carved radish ‘grenades’ to symbolize your guests’ digestive futures, surround the radishes with onion rings to represent tears of happiness, and chant “Super supper SALAD loaf!” to squeals of surprise. Because in salad-ry, this is the new frontier.
2. Boris Johnson’s ‘Bed Head’ Ham Loaf — Well, blimey! Get a load of this blonde stunner. From the recipe collection of England’s ex-Prime Minister comes a succulent, fact-checked treat that will guarantee your allies will never desert you.
Ingredients:
Ham
Spaghetti
Downfall Sauce
Garnish
Instructions:
Boil up a sh*tload of spaghetti.
Make the Downfall Sauce: order from Amazon a small jar of Great Supine Protoplasmic Invertebrate Jelly and some decorative yellow albatrosses (these are for our British readers.) Mix ingredients with greased palms and smear. Reserve some in a bowl.
On the sauced ham, pile spaghetti until it looks like a Hebridean sheep that has never been shorn.
Garnish with Evil Tory Tomato Faces and a sprig of sneezewort.
3. Frosted Ribbon Loaf: Brrr, snow? Nope, cream cheese, hooray! This sophisticated party dish won’t leave you cold, but just in case, wear a dinner jacket, ’cause we’re going formal!
Ingredients:
Cream cheese
Bread
Ham, relish, boiled eggs
Garnish
Instructions:
Chop most of the ham and mix it with a little boiled egg.
Chop the rest of the boiled eggs and mix them with a little ham.
Spread slices of bread alternately with ham/chopped egg and egg/chopped ham mixture.
Stack the slices, frost thickly with cream cheese.
Garnish with olives, a pea-filled tomato claw, and dead Kentucky bluegrass.
4. WTF Loaf: This is for those times when you’re trying to order a salad but your mouth says I’ll have a strawberry sundae, but then you wake up and realize you’ve ordered something else and then your mouth goes oh Jesus Christ what have I done.
Ingredients:
Honestly, even we are at a loss. Just guess.
Instructions:
Assemble ingredients. Mix and frost.
Garnish with Venus fly traps.
Bonus:
Line up forks to add extra appeal.
Next up: A Lawless Hellscape.
