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Redford’s Death Almost Evens Score
Many feel Kirk deserved a higher value exchange
SPOKESMEN FOR THE WHITE HOUSE say God almost evened the score when God took Robert Redford following Charlie Kirk’s assassination, but former current President Donald Trump isn’t satisfied. Currently officials are engaged in a debate about whose death will compensate fully for the loss of Kirk.
“Redford’s passing tipped the needle, an ageless but aging icon for liberal fascist fanaticism in exchange for a beloved spokesman for freedom loving people everywhere,” said B.J. Kizzazz, key Drumpf advisor, “but the fact that Redford was a has been and Kirk was an is now makes some of us feel God needs to collect at least one more liberal to make up for our loss. Maybe even two or three.”
Sources say that the subject was first introduced at the White House when deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller complained that if God really wanted to even the score he would have taken Robert De Nero as well. But his suggestion failed to reach consensus, especially among younger staff members who feel Miller was giving too much value to old guys, perhaps being an old guy himself.
“Miller’s 50. That’s almost as old as Trump,” one 20-something staffer reportedly complained. “When you’re that old you forget there’s a real world out there. Nobody real has…
