PUBLIC SCHOOL PORTRAITS

Reflections in a Teenage Eye

Three drawings of me by deranged eighth-graders.

Being a teacher exposes me to a certain amount of mockery. It comes with the territory. The key to success is to remember that students are just children, and their jabs come from ignorance instead of malice.

As a classically handsome man, I don’t give them much ammunition in that department. I’m just good-looking enough to confuse them.

I had a student call me a “fake ass Chris Pine,” but the comparison was more flattering than hurtful.

I also got “gay Zac Efron,” which I think we can all agree is a compliment, and “that retarded guy from that thing,” which was so low-effort it barely registered.

Students love to point out your physical characteristics and turn them into a way to hurt you, but it’s when they draw you that they’re able to peer into your soul and from hell’s heart stab at thee.

George Bernard Shaw said, “You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.” I agree, but if you want to see into the infinite inward of your essence, have an eighth-grader sketch you.

Here are three real student drawings of me and what I think they mean: