Rejected HuffPost Personal Essay Titles

(Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters.)

Unfortunately, some people’s personal perspectives aren’t compelling, rational, or considerate. The following personal essay proposals were rejected by editors for various moral and aesthetic reasons:

• Here’s Why I Dress Up Like Mr. Rogers And Flash People On The Bus
• I’ve Been Sexually Attracted To Squirrels My Entire Life. Here’s Why I’m Speaking Out Now.
• 12 Microaggressions Stamp Collectors Have To Deal With All The Time
• Why I’ll Keep Mailing Strangers Boxes Full Of Spiders No Matter How Many Times I’m Begged To Stop
• I Recently Bought 30 Cats. Here’s The Big Problem With The Cat Adoption Industry.
• How My Sex Work Roleplaying As Gimli From The Lord Of The Rings Gave Me The Confidence To Leave My Husband And Kids
• Why I’m A Straight, White, Conservative Male, But Pretend To Be A Gay, Black, Liberal, Trans Woman On Twitter To Criticize Gays, Blacks, Liberals And Trans People
• White People Said We Were Sorry. Why It’s Exhausting That That’s Not Enough.
• I Thought Life Wasn’t Worth Living. Then I Discovered Herpetology.
• Why I’m An 87-Year-Old Spinster Who Tells People I’m 22 And DTF
• How Eating Fried Green Tomatoes Made Me Realize I Don’t Actually Care Much For Fried Green Tomatoes
• Why I Love Snooping In Everybody’s Things, And Shouldn’t Be Expected To Change
• Here’s Why I Only Poop In The Shower And Mash It Down The Drain With My Foot
• Why I’ve Accepted Belgians And Now Only Hate The Dutch
• What I Learned From Taking Garbage Bags Out Of Public Trash Cans And Cutting Holes In The Bottom And Drinking The Mystery Liquids That Come Out
• The Liberal Media Loves Bashing Adolph Hitler. Here’s What They Get Wrong.
• I Thought Eating Spicy Things Only Burned Going In. Boy Was I Wrong When It Came Out The Other End!