RIP, Nonprofit Fundraising Event
A totally and completely serious obituary
Fundraising Event, 158, died March 19, 2022 in Kalamazoo, MI, where it was born. A memorial service, attended by 101,300 nonprofit fundraisers, was held Thursday evening at kitschy, renovated firehouse event spaces everywhere, replete with discount Chiavari chairs, bone-color linens, and cold chicken.
Fundraising Event came into this world as “Kalamazoo Sanitary Fair” on November 10, 1864, the lovechild of Ladies Soldier’s Aid Society of Kalamazoo.
As a youth, Fundraising Event moved frequently around the United States until arriving in New York City in 1948 under the name “Met Gala.” For the next quarter-century, it found its way until meeting Diana Vreeland, who really cleaned it up. It received an M.A. in philanthropic studies from the prestigious Lilly Family School of Philanthropy at Indiana University, though never really did much with the degree.
Fundraising Event was at its best in the evenings during the months of spring. As a young adult, it was mindful and full of purpose; its closest friends knew it as “modest,” “cost-effective,” and “not a tremendous burden on staff.” As it aged, its tastes grew refined and elegant, and it started spending time with a more exclusive crowd, which it charged for the pleasure of its company.
Over the past century-and-a-half, Fundraising Event was actively involved with thousands of American nonprofit organizations, particularly arts, culture, social service, and healthcare. Its interests included silent auctions, cloth napkins folded like birds, and imposing upon friends to sponsor high-cost gala tables.
Fundraising Event is survived by its siblings, GivingTuesday and 5k Run/Walk. Though estranged, it is also survived by its cousin, Girl Scout Cookie Drive. It was preceded in death by Haseki Sultan Imaret in Jerusalem.
Donations may be sent to your local chapter of Association of Fundraising Professionals, in support of National Philanthropy Day — fair market value of $45 per person.
