Merry Capatalistmas
Santa Letter Writing Tips for Greedy Children
Or for parents who do their child’s homework
When I was a child, I was a greedy little fucker.
What I remember most about Christmas was the empty stocking I left out the night before. I would go to sleep dreaming about skateboards and nintendo’s, yo-yo’s and remote controlled cars big enough to drive around Albert Park (The Australian Grand Prix track).
My parents weren’t rich. They worked hard for the money they made and did the best they could for my brother and I. Not that we deserved it.
Cos we were greedy little fuckers.
What I wanted most for Christmas was to have more and better presents than my brother. The presents from our parents would have to be matched evenly, because they ‘loved us both the same.’
The only way to trump him would be by convincing Santa I was the better brother, as his distribution process was ‘merit based.’
I instinctively knew the best way to achieve this was not through being the better behaved child over the course of the year. I didn’t have the patience or the endurance.
What I did have was a flair for the written word, and a persuasiveness my parents and some teachers…
