The Haven
Published in

The Haven

satire

Senator Cruz Calls for Better Doors

“We need doors with locks and deadbolts, and handles…”

Ted Cruz addresses a group of Uvalde citizens. Blobfish illustration by the author, background photo by Jeremy McGilvrey on Unsplash, suit photo by nappy from Pexels

San Antonio, TX — “There’s an epidemic in today’s institutions. No, not an epidemic of germs or a virus. No, not an epidemic of poverty or drugs. I’m talking about an epidemic of unsecured doors.” Said senator Ted Cruz (R- TX) at a Thursday press conference in San Antonio…

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