Should I Tip my Uber Driver…Or Anybody Else for that Matter?
Recently, I began driving for Uber; not because of financial hardship, but so I could entertain friends with stories that would normally sound creepy coming from a 60-year-old man’s mouth.
“Yesterday, I picked up two girls at the high school,” I told a college buddy over beers one evening.
“You could get arrested for that,” he said.
“Actually, I got paid eight bucks for it,” I said. “Eight dollars and thirty-three cents to be exact. But no tip.”
“High school girls don’t tip?” he asked, not realizing he was entering creepy vernacular territory as well.
“Apparently not.”
When it comes to tipping, it’s not just high school sophomores. Well, maybe they were juniors; I thought it best to just focus on driving. Since entering the world of rideshare, I have squired around everyone from airport-bound business travelers, to senior citizens needing rides to or from medical appointments to people whose cars wouldn’t start and were picking up loaner vehicles from rental facilities.
I made $1,000 the first three weeks but received only $80 in gratuities, an 8% bonus for, in my opinion, going beyond being cordial, conversational and safe.
There was the woman I picked up at Walmart carrying more than a dozen grocery bags, which I loaded into my trunk and then carried to her apartment’s front door.
No tip.
That’s Your Baby, Not Mine
I met another woman at a motel. She was waiting outside with a car seat, carrying a sleeping infant. Reeking of weed, she haphazardly placed the carrier into the back seat, never bothering to secure it. Even though it’s been 25 years since I threaded a safety belt through a car seat, I did it for her. She never said thank you.
Nor did she tip. After a 45-minute ride.
While I’m not angry at the lack of a financial boost for my services, I am curious as to why people feel paying the exact amount on a dinner check or a ridesharing app is sufficient. For some, it may be financial hardship; I understand that. I have driven several passengers who I picked up at their places of employment, and dropped them at their NEXT place of employment. If you are working multiple jobs to make ends meet, please keep your money. It’s my pleasure to offer door-to-door service.
However, if you are on your way to San Francisco for a company function and brought your spouse because you “plan to spend a few extra days in the Bay Area,” you are not suffering financially; at least, not immediately. Oh, and that bag I lifted in and out of my trunk? What the hell was in it? Perhaps you’re saving my tip money for the amount the airline will charge you once you put your suitcase on that scale.
Before you scroll to the bottom of this column looking for the “comments” section so you can tell me why I am way off base for assuming I should receive gratuities, let me reiterate that this is uncharted territory for me. Until now, I have never held a job where tipping was part of my income. Well, unless you count my first occupation, as a paperboy for my neighborhood. Google “paperboy” if you don’t know that morning newspapers were once delivered by teenagers on their bikes prior to school. While you’re at it, Google “newspapers.”
You’re Not Tipping…But You Sort of Are
I’ve never bartended, waited tables, cut hair or performed any type of service where employees rely on gratuities. Also, I know the concept of tipping is starting to be questioned, both by those who provide the services and those who receive them. Restaurants are raising prices, the increase being a guise for gratuities shared by staff at night’s end. Tip “suggestions” are being made when inserting credit cards into readers following transactions. Just tap “20%” and pay the amount that appears. No need to bog yourself down in the nuances of addition and other basic math skills.
Conversely, patrons are feeling insulted seeing tip jars next to registers at their local coffee houses, wondering why transferring coffee from a pot to a Styrofoam cup should necessitate an extra charge.
There are no correct answers to this issue, nor will there ever be. COVID-19 turned the service industry on its head, with many workers fleeing for reasons ranging from unruly customers who refused to wear masks to low wages made even lower by non-existent tips.
Those who remain are still hoping you will boost their checks with monetary “thank yous.” I am adding myself to that silent chorus.
If you are a tipper, and agree that tipping makes the world a better place, then please email me with your thoughts.
Better yet, Venmo me.
Part time Uber driver Greg Schwem is a business humorist, motivational corporate comedian, corporate emcee, nationally syndicated humor columnist for Tribune Content Agency and creator/host of the streaming TV series, “A Comedian Crashes Your Pad.
