Situations When Melania Likes to Wear Her “I Have Zero Intention of Doing Anything But Looking Good” Stilettos

1. When visiting a very dry part of Houston during a natural disaster, nowhere near needy people who might step on them.

2. In bed with Trump. They look sexy, but still full of zero intention on putting forth any action.

3. Organizing her storage unit at Trump Tower. Can never get it done — stilettos!!

4. Watching “The Wire”. You can only wear stilettos for so long.

5. Calling her mother. She picks up the phone but, again, you can only wear stilettos for so long.

6. Flossing her teeth every night before bed. It’s hard to balance two things at once in stilettos, flossing and standing on gold flooring.

7. Meeting with that friend that’s in town for the weekend. She leaves the apartment, but starts feeling those stilettos the moment she crosses Fifth Avenue.

8. Dances like no one’s watching. When you wear stilettos people are obviously watching.

9. Updating her website. It makes for a great picture, Melania at a desk wearing stilettos, but her Mac is really old and slows down every time she logs on to Godaddy.com. Which makes her face contort, and takes away from the perfect lines of her sitting in stilettos.

10. Reading instruction manuals. Because when you wear stilettos you are too sexy for that shit.

11. And finally, when washing her stilettos. You can’t get water on stilettos. (See number one)