Society’s New Slackened Rules for the New Unstoppable Modern Woman

You need to follow them, ladies.

Made by the author on Canva

Ahem,

We at Society, are pleased, well not too much, to release a more lenient set of rules for you, modern ladies, after you threatened to return home after midnight every day. Let me read them out for you:

1. Wearing shorts 2 inches above the knees is now allowed in public. As you may know, the previous allowable limit was 1.98 inches.
2. Women in popular songs shall continue wearing meager clothes. Ladies, please don’t shout. We can’t stop objectifying you yet; people are making money out of such songs. Do you want them to starve? Ma’am in the third row, get down from the chair now, or you’ll break it. What? No, fat-shaming won’t go away anytime soon, either. It’s too funny, please.
3. You shall be allowed to cry twice a year…Hey, who added these rules for men here?
4. We shall tolerate 3 strands of hair on your arms and 2 on your legs instead of the previous clean-shaven requirement. But it’s a personal request, please don’t slack off; hairy female bodies can’t be stared at for long, you see. If you want, we’ll sponsor the shaving kits, time, money, energy, and water it takes to keep your skins unnaturally smooth and stare-worthy.
5. You shall be allowed to express 2 extra opinions per day in addition to the present 5. I think their IQs are in the negative. Ma’am in the third row, that’s your 8th opinion in 10 minutes. Please meet us after the meeting.
6. During your menstruation, you shall be permitted to loiter outside religious places (but not enter inside, obviously) as long as no purity maniac drives you home. We won’t take responsibility for that, period. Ouch! Stop throwing used sanitary pads. We can’t include you during festivals either. You might get too happy during your monthly stressful times.
7. On social media, you shall be permitted to post 1 picture annually without overthinking about the shape or size of your breasts, but make sure to take it down the next day. You see, we can’t expose people to imperfect bodies and let you be confident about them.
8. Bras. Wearing them all the time is necessary because your nipples must not signify their existence. We know they exist but we want to pretend they don’t, so we need you to bother about them 25 hours a day, down from 27.
9. Carry these rules with you at all times. No, we won’t pay for the prints. Ouch! Stop it.